Sorry God, I was too busy at church to spend time with you...

So....tough subject. At church, wrapped up in understanding that I forget why I'm truly there. Not for a sermon that I need to overanalyze and how it applies to my life, rather there to feel God and hear how he speaks to me. That feeling of sensing God's presence in a church is almost stranger like. No I'm not saying that church is bad or doesn't help but maybe a true search on Gods presence and the reason we congragate should be visited. So many are quick to jump to conclusion when a fellow churchgoer isn't there.
I just find it interesting and on my heart.

End of November

Just what it says.....about to embark upon December with a challenged feeling. Feeling full of ruts and left without a map.
Feeling a Julie Andrews tune rise up in my throat..... *sigh* "Perhaps I had a wicked childhood, perhaps I had a miserable youth, But somewhere in my wicked miserable past, there must have been a moment of truth..."
Goodnight

Sweet Surrender

"It doesn’t mean much
It doesn’t mean anything at all
The life I’ve left behind me
Is a cold room
I’ve crossed the last line
From where I can’t return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me
And led me from my home"
-Sarah McLachlan

A good phrase for where I'm at right now. Funny how her songs can dictate one's life...
Beyond that though....Being in a good place feels comfy. So much work to do that I'm already exhausted...it's so easy to let my fears take control and lead me down a road where a dead end awaits me. The customary split in the road, which way to go. And then there's the Bete Noire, awaiting my arrival at his desired ending for my travels. Well let me tell you my adversary, you will not win. You wage war with God and leave my soul in the balance. You're foolish. Go sit in your cave with your own skeletons and await your impending doom there.

The Shack>of hope

At work about 2 weeks ago one of my girlfriends was at her desk reading a book that seemed to have captivated all of her. Being a avid book reader I was curious about the book she was reading. She told me only a small amount about the plot and that as a Christian I really should read this book. A few days later she dropped it off at my desk for me borrow and gave me a warning. "Don't read this at work, you will cry. I had to stop reading here because of the emotions." So I took it home curious of it's contents. That night I read a few pages and due to the feelings that surfaced I put it down and didn't pick it back up again for about a week. Instead I focused on a book that did nothing for me. Finally after searching for another book to read and finding the only book in my posession that I had not read yet was The Shack. So I settled down determined to read this book. I don't want to give away the contents of this seemingly magical gem of understanding, heartwrenching, and leaving you breathless story.
It is so relatable that I felt like the character. It's so hard to not give away anything. We are all imperfect and have many different issues as Christians and this book has the ability to bring healing. I have come to find that what I thought was a relationship with my heavenly Father was nothing more then what the world has told me it should be. After reading this book and praying in a different way to MY Papa, feeling him surround me and seeing the changes in my life...well, it's exciting and healing to say the least. Buy yourself a copy and one for everyone in your family. You will not regret it.

Salem Rain

Is it odd that I am more incline to open my windows when it's raining rather then when it is sunny? There is something about the rain that draws me in. The intoxicating smell, the sounds of it coming down, and the way it washes everything clean. Living in Oregon is a plus for all of this. Rather then staring out an apartment window I would prefer to be out in the woods, tucked away in a cabin. But alas it is June and the sun is right around the corner. As soon as it hits I will be a happy bird ready to get outside and play. No real reason for this post other then sitting by the window and smelling the clean air.

Can I actually change the world?

That is the ten million dollar question today. Well pretty much every day sometimes I just forget to put on my super hero thinking cap. Unlike my grade school days my thinking cap no longer seems to exist or someone stole it. Not sure which yet but if fould please return to rightful owner. *taking a deep breath* okay....so the feeling of doing something great (or writing something great) is still weighing heavily on me as it always has, just heavier now. I get SO discouraged easily and purposely distract myself with mind-numbing activities. I need some gingkobalboa, if that is even spelled correctly. So if any of you have the anti writers block antidote please send it to me....prayers work good too.

Mi Familia

I love my family. Love them. I know they love me. Getting to be an adult and make decisions is a huge thing. Doing it alone and knowing your alone is kind of crappy. I will be respectful. 100%. I know God has wonderful things in store for me as his child. I will rely on that and pray for the rest to work out.
Benigno numine!