End of November

Just what it says.....about to embark upon December with a challenged feeling. Feeling full of ruts and left without a map.
Feeling a Julie Andrews tune rise up in my throat..... *sigh* "Perhaps I had a wicked childhood, perhaps I had a miserable youth, But somewhere in my wicked miserable past, there must have been a moment of truth..."
Goodnight

Sweet Surrender

"It doesn’t mean much
It doesn’t mean anything at all
The life I’ve left behind me
Is a cold room
I’ve crossed the last line
From where I can’t return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me
And led me from my home"
-Sarah McLachlan

A good phrase for where I'm at right now. Funny how her songs can dictate one's life...
Beyond that though....Being in a good place feels comfy. So much work to do that I'm already exhausted...it's so easy to let my fears take control and lead me down a road where a dead end awaits me. The customary split in the road, which way to go. And then there's the Bete Noire, awaiting my arrival at his desired ending for my travels. Well let me tell you my adversary, you will not win. You wage war with God and leave my soul in the balance. You're foolish. Go sit in your cave with your own skeletons and await your impending doom there.

The Shack>of hope

At work about 2 weeks ago one of my girlfriends was at her desk reading a book that seemed to have captivated all of her. Being a avid book reader I was curious about the book she was reading. She told me only a small amount about the plot and that as a Christian I really should read this book. A few days later she dropped it off at my desk for me borrow and gave me a warning. "Don't read this at work, you will cry. I had to stop reading here because of the emotions." So I took it home curious of it's contents. That night I read a few pages and due to the feelings that surfaced I put it down and didn't pick it back up again for about a week. Instead I focused on a book that did nothing for me. Finally after searching for another book to read and finding the only book in my posession that I had not read yet was The Shack. So I settled down determined to read this book. I don't want to give away the contents of this seemingly magical gem of understanding, heartwrenching, and leaving you breathless story.
It is so relatable that I felt like the character. It's so hard to not give away anything. We are all imperfect and have many different issues as Christians and this book has the ability to bring healing. I have come to find that what I thought was a relationship with my heavenly Father was nothing more then what the world has told me it should be. After reading this book and praying in a different way to MY Papa, feeling him surround me and seeing the changes in my life...well, it's exciting and healing to say the least. Buy yourself a copy and one for everyone in your family. You will not regret it.

Salem Rain

Is it odd that I am more incline to open my windows when it's raining rather then when it is sunny? There is something about the rain that draws me in. The intoxicating smell, the sounds of it coming down, and the way it washes everything clean. Living in Oregon is a plus for all of this. Rather then staring out an apartment window I would prefer to be out in the woods, tucked away in a cabin. But alas it is June and the sun is right around the corner. As soon as it hits I will be a happy bird ready to get outside and play. No real reason for this post other then sitting by the window and smelling the clean air.

Can I actually change the world?

That is the ten million dollar question today. Well pretty much every day sometimes I just forget to put on my super hero thinking cap. Unlike my grade school days my thinking cap no longer seems to exist or someone stole it. Not sure which yet but if fould please return to rightful owner. *taking a deep breath* okay....so the feeling of doing something great (or writing something great) is still weighing heavily on me as it always has, just heavier now. I get SO discouraged easily and purposely distract myself with mind-numbing activities. I need some gingkobalboa, if that is even spelled correctly. So if any of you have the anti writers block antidote please send it to me....prayers work good too.

Mi Familia

I love my family. Love them. I know they love me. Getting to be an adult and make decisions is a huge thing. Doing it alone and knowing your alone is kind of crappy. I will be respectful. 100%. I know God has wonderful things in store for me as his child. I will rely on that and pray for the rest to work out.
Benigno numine!

Live, Laugh, and Love

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (The Message)

16-18So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

So true, we have so many things to look forward to yet we stay focused on the here and now. Negatives are just that, negative. It leads to negative thinking and is just a downward spiral from there. At the bottom of the pity tunnel even just looking up and seeing the heavens is a positive and something to focus on. Today I am going to be thankful for breathing. Another day to fulfill and spend with my amazing children.

Cadbury Pink

Glass of wine and pink toenail polish. A girls night doesn't get much better than that. A good way to end my weekend. Which is wenesday and thursday. So tomorrow, everybody elses friday is my monday. Not a good thing if you ask me. But alas, whats a girl to do. If I wasn't so centered on weight loss I would add Cadbury chocolate to the mix but I settled for a "chocolate" powerbar. Kinda tasted like stale chocolate. Fresh clean sheets await me and hopefully sweet dreams. I know halfway through the night my daughter will stumble into my bed and curl up right next to me. All in all, it's a great night!

Pure Joy

Today would be Lilys 7th birthday. She left this earth quietly and peacefully. A mother couldn't ask for anything different in this situation. My heart aches to the core to see her and hold her again. I can't change what happened but I will forever honor her memory. With hope.

1 Thess. 4:13-14 / Heb. 6:9, 10:23
This is not at all how We thought it was supposed to be We had so many plans for you We had so many dreams And now you've gone away And left us with the memories of your smile And nothing we can say And nothing we can do Can take away the pain The pain of losing you, but ...
We can cry with hope We can say goodbye with hope 'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no And we can grieve with hope 'Cause we believe with hope (There's a place by God's grace) There's a place where we'll see your face again We'll see your face again
And never have I known Anything so hard to understand And never have I questioned more The wisdom of God's plan But through the cloud of tears I see the Father's smile and say well done And I imagine you Where you wanted most to be Seeing all your dreams come true 'Cause now you're home And now you're free, and ...
We have this hope as an anchor 'Cause we believe that everything God promised us is true, so ...
We wait with hope And we ache with hope We hold on with hope We let go with hope

Lily, Mommy loves you.

Blondes have more fun?

I wondered who had coined the phrase "Blondes have more fun." So I did the twenty-something thing and googled it...furthest back reference comes from a Clairol advertising slogan. "Does she or doesn't she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure! Do blondes have more fun? If i've one like let me live it as a blonde." Kind of crazy actually. Also found out that Clairol started this campaign because until World War 2 a women who dyed her hair was considered fast and they wanted more business. So being that I was born blonde then slowly faded to dirty dishwater blonde does that mean I was slowly becoming more boring? Nice try genetics but I got you beat with bleach.