That 'old' feeling

That same feeling....putting yourself out there. Out there to be loved or hated, judged or understood, appreciated or cast aside. It can make or break you. After so many tries at this you would think one would master this. Surprisingly, it seems impossible. Feeling as frail as flower petal we do it again. And again....annnnnd again. Wonder what makes it worth it to do it repeatedly...almost masochistic to know we may get hurt over and over but continue as though something could change. Then the feeling of shame and self loathing comes when it's the same result. Temporary soothing such as wine, girl bonding and shopping feels good but you lay down in bed at the end of the day to that depressed veil. Very consuming....