Farewell, false love, the oracle of lies, A mortal foe and enemy to rest: False Love: Desire: Beauty frail adieu Dead is the root whence all these fancies grew. ~Sir Walter Raleigh~ I'm on the verge of tears. I'm shocked at the double standard, the lies.

Fer-USTRATED

10:26 am. I want to do what I want to do. I am feeling backed against a wall right now. Against that wall is where I tend to lash out and my decisions very quickly. I really wish I could talk to my mom and hear her wisdom. Although, in my heart I know what she would say to me. It all comes down to one word..."Jimothy." Sounds strange I know but it makes sense to me. I await somewhat patiently, knowing that within time things will work out as they ultimately should. Perhaps I am overthinking? Perhaps I am not trying hard enough? Perhaps I am falling into old ways? One thing is for sure....to continue on this particular road I need a miracle to overcome. Maybe there is a spell out there that prove to be of help. In the end what if I come back to this same road I'm on....too many possibilities. One thing I do know...."Do whatever makes you happy cause in the end, you're the only one who's guaranteed to be there."

If you want more love, why don't you say so?

Oy vay.
Again I say Oy vay.
WHY WHY WHY....
I would really like a smooth go of "it" for a change.
"No one ever wins in heartbreak warfare."-John Mayer
True. Torterous. Is that how you spell it???
I hope so.

Boobies

So....I've taken the plunge....:) Finally after a very long time of consideration I have breast augmentation in 6 days. I'm nervous, but excited. I understand and know this will not change who I am nor what I am about. I know this choice will not solve all of my issues, change my opinion about myself, or my morals. What I do know is I will feel a small piece of my womanhood come back to me. I cherish my children and what my body went through to nourish them but also understand that now that I am done having kids that it's okay to feel good about myself as well. Haters are going to hate and judgers are going to judge. I am not concerned. Here i go!

Sorry God, I was too busy at church to spend time with you...

So....tough subject. At church, wrapped up in understanding that I forget why I'm truly there. Not for a sermon that I need to overanalyze and how it applies to my life, rather there to feel God and hear how he speaks to me. That feeling of sensing God's presence in a church is almost stranger like. No I'm not saying that church is bad or doesn't help but maybe a true search on Gods presence and the reason we congragate should be visited. So many are quick to jump to conclusion when a fellow churchgoer isn't there.
I just find it interesting and on my heart.